In the years I’ve been working with clients to build their confidence, I’ve noticed one particular characteristic that they often have. They don’t take risks.
People with low confidence don’t have belief in their abilities or their intuition. Their self-doubts stop them from stepping out of their comfort zones and doing things differently.
In contrast people with higher confidence levels take risks knowing they will be okay, whatever the outcome.
In a world that’s changing so quickly, you’re guaranteed to fail if you don’t take risks”
Here’s 3 risks that confident people take, will you take them too?
They risk being hurt. Life teaches us that there will be times when we get let down, have our hearts broken or lose people we love. It’s not possible to live without being hurt. However it has it’s rewards, by risking being hurt you will also be loved, laugh and live life to the full
They risk being responsible. It’s easier to blame other people or circumstances for your life not being as you’d like it. But that puts you into the role of a victim and gives away your power and positivity. Instead take responsibility for your decisions and outcomes, you will still be okay.
They risk letting go. If you live in the past and let those situations affect the present, you become disempowered. Rather than going over and over past negative experiences, let them go and take a risk to be open to new ones instead.
Well done if these are risks you are taking. If you’re struggling with any of them, that’s natural and why not contact me for a free chat.
Some of the clients I see appear to have a great life, and have achieved all the things they ‘should’ have according to society.
But behind the perfect window dressing of social media, the way they feel is often imperfect and unhappy.
We see marketing messages all around us that reinforce the myth that happiness comes when you achieve, or have, certain things in your life.
This myth has us continually striving for more, bigger and better, rather than looking at why we don’t feel happy.
If you are in a good place in your life, perhaps you have a house, a loving family and good job, but still feel unsettled and that something’s not quite right. Then this is the time to look at your mindset and start to make some changes.
Feeling emotional ups and downs is a normal part of life, however if you are feeling that it’s more than that, then the good news is that it is possible to change.
By admitting to some of the ways you sabotage your happiness you can begin that process. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Focusing on the wrong things. If you spend time focusing on negative or irrelevant dramas in your life, you miss the opportunity to focus on the more important elements that boost your happiness
Let go of your expectations for the day. If you have a picture in your head of how every day should look and be, you are likely to be disappointed. Be open to the day and let go of what you think ‘should’ happen
‘What if’ worrying. This means you are constantly worrying about negative outcomes and what could happen. Generally it’s a waste of your time and energy. Try to keep your mind focused on the present moment instead and enjoy what’s happening now
Living in the past. Is another worry that pulls you away from the present moment. You can’t change it, and going over it again robs you of any current joy.
Don’t always believe your thinking. We don’t have control over the thoughts that come into our heads, but that doesn’t mean they are always true. It does however, mean we can choose how we respond to them. Letting the negative ones go and not engaging with them will lift your mood
Making the safe and easy choice. You may believe that this keeps you safe from being hurt. However it also stops you trying new things, making changes and growing mentally. Challenge yourself at times to step out of your comfort zone
Have a very happy day and please send this onto anyone you think maybe struggling with their happiness.
‘10 Things You Like About Yourself’ is an exercise I use with some clients to develop a positive self-perception and build their self-esteem.
It sounds very simple however it’s more about the process they go through to make the list, than the exact words they use.
One client of mine, Jane (she gave her permission for this) found the exercise incredibly difficult. She struggled to find any positive words about herself, despite easily being able to list her negatives.
I suggested she asked her family, friends and colleagues at work for 3 positive words about her character. She bravely took that step out of her comfort zone. Using me as her reason, she was empowered to get answers from all the people she requested.
Initially she was quite dismissive of the words they gave her. “They’re just being kind” or “they don’t know me very well“.
However when she began to see a pattern in the words used ‘kind, caring, loyal, organised…..’ she started to believe and accept them. This has led to a real change in how she sees herself and her value.
It’s amazing that such a simple exercise can have such powerful outcomes. However it’s also sad that many women don’t actually recognise or celebrate their positive qualities.
How easy would you find this exercise?
How often do you say something positive about yourself to another person?
I’m not suggesting you have to continually blow your own trumpet, just a passing remark is enough to boost your own confidence. Such as “that was a really difficult meeting, but I think I handled it well” to a colleague. Or “I’m really pleased with how my daughters party went, all the organisation I did was worth it” to a friend.
It will probably feel uncomfortable initially, but keep practising as it’s such a powerful message to your self-esteem and confidence that you value yourself.
I’m passionate about supporting women to feel good about themselves, so PLEASE share this on social media using the buttons below.
Most of us have a bad habit we’d like to break, such as; the evening glass of wine, comfort food or a bit of retail therapy.
Perhaps you’ve tried unsuccessfully to cut down the behaviour or maybe you’ve just accepted it’s unbeatable. What you might be surprised to know is that all of these addictive type behaviours are linked to your dopamine levels.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released by the brain, which acts on the reward and pleasure centres. When your dopamine levels are low you crave a hit, and as you’ve learnt that you can get that boost from buying a new outfit or eating a cake it becomes difficult to break the habit.
Why would your dopamine levels be low?
One reason can be that you aren’t getting fulfilment from your lifestyle. Perhaps you’re stuck in a job that you don’t enjoy, a relationship that’s gone cold or you are struggling to feel good about your body image?
This means that you aren’t living a life with enough reward in it and so you aren’t triggering the release of dopamine.
How do you break the cycle of craving an instant hit of dopamine, which reinforces your bad habits?
It’s less about battling the ‘addiction’ and more about ensuring you include more inspiring and rewarding actions and activities in your life. These are the activities which you feel in flow with and time flies by without you noticing. Such as; being creative, exercise, listening to music, reading, meditation or other hobbies.
If you don’t have much room for ‘me time’ in your life, then ensure you include some tasks in your work day you enjoy, alongside those that are more dull. Take just a few minutes out to focus on you, and plan things that will inspire and reward you.
As a first step, when you have a craving for your bad habit, just notice if that day you have done or had anything that felt rewarding to you.
If you see a link between your need for instant gratification and a lack of reward or motivation in your day, then go and boost your dopamine levels!
Good luck, and please share this article using the buttons below.
Do you ever feel like other women seem to have the secret for getting ahead?
They juggle everything beautifully, never a hair out of place, impressing the right people, grabbing the right opportunities and leaving you wondering, “How do they DO it!?”
I used to wonder the same thing. What was the magic formula for success??
What I found out was that it wasn’t just ONE thing.
Success is a recipe; one that requires a balance of skills, strategies and a go getting mindset!
My friend and colleague Paula Clay (a leadership & Career expert), has put together something that will allow you to peek inside the minds of industry leaders who have coached thousands of women to unprecedented career success!
This is a totally F*R*E*E virtual training called “Unlock Your Super Powers: How to Leverage Your Strengths to Get the Promotion You Want, the money you deserve and the career you love!”
I recently read an article about Karen Brady (Baroness, Business woman and Sir Alan Sugars right hand woman) in which she talked about career advice and how to be a successful woman.
The key career tip that stood out to me was Be confident in who you are and what you can do.
This got me thinking about what are the qualities we need to be a successful woman?
I came up with the following is there any you would add?
Know what success means – For me this is the most important quality. Success to some women may mean a career or money or fame and to others means a happy, balanced life or a combination of the two. So be clear on what success means to you and don’t be influenced by other peoples definition
Passion – Successful women, what ever they are successful at, have a deep passion for their goals. Achieving success requires commitment and motivation, and loving what you do is necessary to maintain that
Self-Acceptance – A successful woman knows that she can’t be perfect and accepts her weaknesses as well as celebrating her strengths
Self-Confidence – As Karen Brady said this is about believing in your abilities to achieve your goals, as well as believing in your value in the world. As a result a successful woman is prepared to speak up for herself and have her voice heard
Resilience – Behind every success there are stories of setbacks and tough times. A successful woman will refocus on her goals and get up again and again, believing in herself and her abilities
Compassion – This doesn’t just refer to compassion for those around you, but more importantly showing yourself compassion. Treating yourself with kindness, understanding and forgiveness are essential to be being happy and succesful
What do you think? Have you got all the qualities to be successful at your personal goals?
I’d love to have a chat and discuss your goals further and you can contact me here.
I am a Facebook user, although not it’s greatest fan. I do however often flick through my newsfeed when I’m relaxing in front of the telly at night. It’s through this experience and what my clients tell me, that I’ve realised how damaging it can be to your confidence.
The problem is that social media activates your subconscious to compare and judge. A certain amount of this is natural, but when you are constantly seeing pictures of others having fun and looking good, it triggers your insecurities.
Seeing photos and posts about friends on nights out when you had a quiet weekend can send you into FOMO (fear of missing out).
Or updates about peoples latest gadget or holiday can cause you to want ‘more bigger, better’. These thoughts don’t always go away immediately and can lead to you questioning if you are ‘good enough’.
Recent research from Albright College in Pennsylvania has shown that people with less confidence are more likely to boast on Facebook, especially about their relationships. By showing others that their relationship is okay, they get the external validation that they are okay too.
My advice to clients is to always remember that you aren’t making a fair comparison. What you see on Facebook is generally the window dressing of someones life, whereas you have the full, behind the scenes picture of your own.
I’d love to know whether Facebook is affecting your confidence or what tips you have to ensure it’s just a fun hobby? Do leave me a comment please.
How do I stop comparing myself to others? This is a question I’m often asked by clients.
As women we often find ourselves falling into the habit of comparing our homes, bodies, careers, children and behaviours to others.
Even though I know the dangers involved in being caught in the comparison trap, I still find myself being drawn in.
Picture the scene, I’ve just come back from a fabulous 2 weeks in Turkey with my family. On the day of arrival, I’m by the pool in my bikini feeling white but relaxed and pretty good. My focus then drifts to other women around the pool and before I know it, I’m in full on ‘comparititis’ mode!
Thoughts like “That’s a lovely bikini, but how would it look on me?” or “Wow she has a fabulous figure“
These thoughts as observations are harmless, but if I then use them to judge myself against, it will knock my confidence and body image.
So how do you stop this ‘comparititis’?
It’s all about changing your mindset around how you define yourself. Have a read of these quotes
A flower Does Not Think Of Competing With the flower Next To It, It Just Blooms – Zen Shin
The Only Person You Should Try to be Better Than is Who You Were Yesterday – Unknown
Back to the pool in Turkey. To avoid falling into comparititis I reminded myself that how other people look has no affect on how I am perceived, how my family love me and my value as a person. Whether a supermodel sits down beside me or not, I am still okay and good enough.
I chose not to let any passing negative thoughts affect my self-esteem and instead to look at others with curiosity not judgement.
Does this resonate with you? Do you struggle with comparititis?