I am a Facebook user, although not it’s greatest fan. I do however often flick through my newsfeed when I’m relaxing in front of the telly at night. It’s through this experience and what my clients tell me, that I’ve realised how damaging it can be to your confidence.
The problem is that social media activates your subconscious to compare and judge. A certain amount of this is natural, but when you are constantly seeing pictures of others having fun and looking good, it triggers your insecurities.
Seeing photos and posts about friends on nights out when you had a quiet weekend can send you into FOMO (fear of missing out).
Or updates about peoples latest gadget or holiday can cause you to want ‘more bigger, better’. These thoughts don’t always go away immediately and can lead to you questioning if you are ‘good enough’.
Recent research from Albright College in Pennsylvania has shown that people with less confidence are more likely to boast on Facebook, especially about their relationships. By showing others that their relationship is okay, they get the external validation that they are okay too.
My advice to clients is to always remember that you aren’t making a fair comparison. What you see on Facebook is generally the window dressing of someones life, whereas you have the full, behind the scenes picture of your own.
I’d love to know whether Facebook is affecting your confidence or what tips you have to ensure it’s just a fun hobby? Do leave me a comment please.
How do I stop comparing myself to others? This is a question I’m often asked by clients.
As women we often find ourselves falling into the habit of comparing our homes, bodies, careers, children and behaviours to others.
Even though I know the dangers involved in being caught in the comparison trap, I still find myself being drawn in.
Picture the scene, I’ve just come back from a fabulous 2 weeks in Turkey with my family. On the day of arrival, I’m by the pool in my bikini feeling white but relaxed and pretty good. My focus then drifts to other women around the pool and before I know it, I’m in full on ‘comparititis’ mode!
Thoughts like “That’s a lovely bikini, but how would it look on me?” or “Wow she has a fabulous figure“
These thoughts as observations are harmless, but if I then use them to judge myself against, it will knock my confidence and body image.
So how do you stop this ‘comparititis’?
It’s all about changing your mindset around how you define yourself. Have a read of these quotes
A flower Does Not Think Of Competing With the flower Next To It, It Just Blooms – Zen Shin
The Only Person You Should Try to be Better Than is Who You Were Yesterday – Unknown
Back to the pool in Turkey. To avoid falling into comparititis I reminded myself that how other people look has no affect on how I am perceived, how my family love me and my value as a person. Whether a supermodel sits down beside me or not, I am still okay and good enough.
I chose not to let any passing negative thoughts affect my self-esteem and instead to look at others with curiosity not judgement.
Does this resonate with you? Do you struggle with comparititis?
If you find it hard to accept compliments and praise, are over sensitive to comments or like to please people and can’t say no, then it is likely that you have low self esteem.
Self Confidence is defined as what you think your ‘personal value or worth is’. So to determine your level of self esteem you need to honestly answer the question “How do I feel about who I am?”
Self esteem isn’t something that you are born with and no one can give it to you, it is something we learn. The good news is that it can be learned at any stage of life with the right tools and a positive mindset.
The key to improving self-esteem is to understand the negative beliefs you have about yourself and to challenge and then change them. As your coach I would help you through this process using exercises and techniques to replace your negative beliefs with more positive ones.
Low self esteem affects all aspects of your life, including work, relationships and social life. When you don’t value yourself you tend to avoid situations where you may feel uncomfortable or lack confidence. As a result you are not enjoying life to it’s full or reaching your potential. With support you can change your negative beliefs, really value yourself and become the ‘best you can be’
To find out more about my self esteem and confidence coaching programme please contact me.
How to boost Self Confidence