How To Be An Authentically Confident Person (and stop looking for approval)

“I want to be authentically confident”, is a common wish I hear from clients. But what does being authentic actually mean?


woman relaxing in office


The Oxford Dictionary defines authentic as ‘not a copy; genuine’. To me, it means being yourself, and not an imitation of what you or others think you should be.


You are acting authentically when your behaviours match your beliefs and personality. It can be tricky, though to identify which are your beliefs, from those you may have picked up from your parent or partner.


In my younger years, I moulded my personality and beliefs to fit in with the people I cared about. This meant I traded my authentic self, to ensure I wasn’t judged and I fitted in.


Unfortunately, this can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety and shame, as well as the need for others to give you the love and approval you can’t give yourself.


It wasn’t until I had the courage to authentically speak up for my opinions and feelings that I stopped the constant search for validation.


“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings


Being authentically confident requires courage, time and commitment, however, it is well worth the effort.


Here are a few simple steps to help you:


  1. Identify your beliefs and values. These are your moral compass and guide you in the actions and decisions you make. You can identify them by thinking about times you were really happy and times you were very low, and identify what yours and others behaviours were that meant you felt good or bad.
  2. Respect yourself. This sounds easy but can be difficult when other people disagree with your behaviour or opinions. The important thing is to speak up or act on your thoughts, wants and needs. It gives your self-worth such a boost to have trusted and respected yourself
  3. Accept your weaknesses. If you can acknowledge and accept both your talents and your flaws, it empowers you to be authentic. The focus shouldn’t just be on what you want to improve, but also recognising and celebrating your successes
  4. Have courage. Be bold enough to live your life according to what you believe is right, and not let fear stop you from doing the things you dream of. What is the worst case scenario if you were brave? Could you live with it?
  5. Focus on yourself in the present moment.  By eeping your thoughts on the moment you’re less concerned about what others think, and it liberates you to be authentically you.



Imagine the empowerment and feeling of freedom, from truly being yourself and listening to what you need and want. From treating yourself with the respect and approval you deserve.


Good luck and please do share this article


Authentically yours,



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