In my experience of working with hundreds of clients the biggest fear many of them have is of being rejected or not fitting in.
It was a conversation I had with a new client this week that sparked the idea for a blog. She lacked confidence in meeting new people and doing small talk, which was affecting her ability to network and progress her career, as well as her social life.
Her fear was that she would have nothing to say, people wouldn’t find her interesting and would judge her as not being of value or ‘one of them’.
From the outside it’s easy to say that’s obviously not true. But when our thoughts are telling us this story of what will happen and the feeling that comes with them is so real, it’s very difficult to ignore what they say.
The fear then builds and you start avoiding situations where your worries could come true. Which is exactly what my new client is doing.
The starting point to develop the courage to overcome these fears is to recognise that they are almost certainly not true. Just because you’ve thought them, it doesn’t mean they’re coming from your inner guru and you must believe every word. They are a story your thoughts are telling you and you can ignore them.
As humans we are rubbish at accurately predicting how others will think and behave, so we create a scenario and that is often a negative one.
Another idea is to imagine that the worst has happened and you have been rejected/don’t fit in/judged as boring. What would you do then? Yes you could allow yourself to feel upset for a short time. Then you could start the process of growing and moving on. Imagine this happening now, how does it feel to carry on being you and not being pulled down by other peoples opinions.