How often do you sit down to start a difficult task or research a boring project, only to find you can’t get going?
Do you get distracted away by emails, scrolling on social media or other less important tasks? I know I put off overwhelming or dull activities with a ‘just’ distraction. “I’ll just get another coffee first” or “I just need to have a chat with Simon before I begin”
Even when you are fully committed to completing an action the temptation of procrastinating and staying stuck can be too much.
Procrastination is the act of intentionally putting something off in a habitual way. Most of us procrastinate at some time but 20% of us are chronic procrastinators; which means putting things off has become a core behaviour.
There are 3 main types of procrastinator:
Arousal procrastinator (interesting name!) – these people like the rush of having to do something at the last-minute
Avoiders – who put off a task as they’re afraid of failure or even of success
Decisional procrastinators – who fear making a decision in case it’s the wrong one
Do you recognise yourself in one or all of these?
The triggers for procrastination are when we believe a task is:
Unstructured or ambiguous
Not valuable in itself
No personal meaning or benefit
What determines whether we procrastinate though, isn’t the task itself but how we feel about it. This comes from the belief we have about that situation.
For example; you may procrastinate about writing a report because it feels boring. But, if you dig deep to the beliefs behind this feeling what is actually going on? In the case of the report, it could be you’re actually feeling overwhelmed because you’re worried the report won’t be good enough.
Imagine you know you need to sort out your finances to understand your spending You could easily procrastinate on this and might believe it’s because it’s going to take a long time and you don’t want to start what you can’t finish. If you dig deeper for the real fear behind you putting it off, could it be you’re scared that the situation is worse than you thought?
By identifying the real fear behind procrastination you can then shift that belief to a more constructive motivator. For example, in the example with your finances, you could replace the old fear with the belief that doing your finances may take time but it’ll be worth it as you can start making changes sooner.
There are hundreds of techniques to overcome procrastination out there, but you need to clarify and shift the real fear behind it for them to work.
If procrastination is an issue for you and you’d like to hear more strategies to overcome it. Do book a free call with me at www.speakwithjo.com
Leading a team, whatever the size, can bring lots of challenges you’ve never had to deal with before. You may doubt your abilities to deal with them or lack the skills and knowledge to know what is the best approach.
From my experience working with hundreds of clients, here are some typical situations and suggestions on how you can react.
It’s also important to have the confidence to trust your intuition and to ask for help when it’s needed.
1. “I gave enough time and guidelines for my staff to prepare for the given tasks, but they still underperformed which lead to low work performance as a team.”
When talking about how to lead a successful team, ensuring your team have the guidance and time they need is an important starting point for delivery. However, have you also articulated what success looks like for them and been clear on what your expectations of delivery are?
A common mistake team leaders make is to assume their staff can see inside their head and understand the vision they’re trying to articulate. You can ensure that you’re all on the same page by asking them to clarify their understanding of what is needed as well as any barriers they believe might affect the success of the task.
Allowing your team to have some autonomy over the task is important. To help you feel comfortable that it’s on track you could agree on check-in points throughout the project to monitor their progress. By agreeing upfront these critical points it avoids your team feeling they are being micromanaged.
If despite all of this your team continues to underperform, hold a team review of the task. Explore the reasons for success not being achieved: what was within their control and what was outside of their influence? Creating a no-blame culture for this review is essential to enable team members to talk freely. Follow this up with individual performance reviews if appropriate.
2. “My staff don’t work up to my standards, therefore I have to take over and do extra work, this makes me have less time to do the work I am supposed to do.”
This sounds to me like classic perfectionist behaviour. The need to deliver unrealistically high standards and the fear of failing or being judged if you don’t.
Take an outsider’s view of your expectations. Is it really fair to expect that level of performance all of the time? Ask yourself what does a perfect standard look like and how would you describe failure? Now think about what achievement would be good enough. This is a realistic expectation which will allow the team to deliver and the opportunity to exceed.
By taking over the work to deliver a higher performance what message are you giving to your team? They are far less likely to put in the extra effort if you’re just going to add to it yourself. The result is they are demotivated, feel less confident in their abilities and you are stressed and overworked. Instead, challenge yourself to allow the work to stay as it is and be curious about the reaction. You could be surprised how little the extra 10% you add matters and think of all the spare time you’d have to focus on your own tasks.
3. “As a manager, I hope to maintain a good relationship with my team, but they got too comfortable and seems like they don’t listen to me anymore.
If your team isn’t listening to you then there is definitely a reason that you need to get to the bottom of. It could be they’ve lost respect for you, but it could also be that they’re unclear on what you want from them or they don’t think your ideas will work. You may feel that moving to a leadership style where you rely more on your management power or instil fear about the consequences of not listening is the answer, but it’s not.
First, you need to examine your own motivations and think about how to lead a successful team – is your need to have them respect you genuinely about what’s best for the team, or is it linked to your self-esteem and career goals? If it’s the latter then your team will know the difference and you’ll lose credibility. Secondly, ensure you’re listening too. Ask them whether there are any issues or concerns that they have and actively listen to their answers. Not only does it build your connection again but when individuals feel valued, they’re more likely to follow your lead.
4. “My mental health and daily life really got affected due to the overall performance as a team, and I am constantly worried about what my boss will think of my management skills.”
I suggest to clients that they spend some time thinking about what they’ve achieved in their career, their strengths and skills and any positive feedback they’ve had from colleagues and managers. This exercise takes the focus away from negative thinking and reminds you why you’ve achieved this management role. Having a development review with your manager is another way to take the power out of your worries and turn them into practical steps instead.
If you feel your mental health is still suffering then please don’t just ‘battle on through’ find someone to talk to about your concerns – don’t be afraid to share your worries.
5. “I tried to ask for more help from my boss, but he/she does not understand and refused to give extra support.”
An unsupportive boss makes work very frustrating and can have a detrimental effect on your career. If your boss isn’t understanding do you have a mentor, coach or someone in your network within the company that you can turn to?
Having a support network outside of your line manager is an essential element in a successful career. A boss who doesn’t support you is unlikely to advocate for you in senior meetings or suggest new opportunities for you to develop.
Ensure you take a look at yourself before deciding that your boss is totally at fault. Is there anything about your delivery or behaviours that could be affecting their opinion?
Finally, if all else fails it may be time to move area or organisation.
Want to learn more about how to build your self-confidence in the workplace? My new book ‘Good Enough’ helps women thrive, through courage, confidence and credibility.
When you think of a successful leader do you imagine an extrovert, gregarious and charismatic person? This stereotype of how a leader should behave is slowly starting to change. The quietly powerful leader is being recognised more, but the unconscious bias for ‘loud and proud’ leaders can be tricky to shift.
The implication of needing to be a charismatic leader is that if you are an introvert or have a reflective and quieter personality you can’t be as effective and many avoid taking leadership roles as a result.
But, think again. Your strengths of being a good listener, deep thinker and having a logical approach make you an ideal leader and organisations are at last starting to recognise it.
The phrase ‘quietly powerful leader’ was coined by Megumi Miki and there are many highly successful quiet leaders out there, for example; Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, Marissa Mayer, Theresa May.
How can you be a seen as a successful quietly powerful leader?
Well, here are my 6 suggestions:
Collaboration – as a quiet leader you will listen more and ask incisive questions that empower your team to contribute their ideas and work together successfully
Proactivity – A Harvard research study found that extroverts excelled at leading passive teams (teams that follow orders). But, introverts were more effective at leading proactive teams where everyone contributes ideas
Leading for purpose – louder traditional leaders tend to be focused on leading to gain power and control. Whereas quieter and more reluctant leaders are more likely to lead for a purpose and to benefit all.
Find a passion – there may be situations where you need to be charismatic and loud. One of the key ways to develop a characteristic that isn’t part of your normal personality is to be focused on something you are passionate about. If you’re invested in the subject, project or people, you’re more likely to be able to act out of character.
Focus on actions – as a quiet leader you will put your effort into getting the actions delivered rather than a focus on words and telling people how to do things. Empowering your team with the autonomy to make their own decisions not only develops individuals but also develops loyalty
Staying cool – when the ‘loud and proud’ leader faces constructive criticism they may explode and damage relationships. Whereas a quiet leader tends to stay cool and internalise the feedback to analyse later
I’m not suggesting that a quiet leader is more effective than a charismatic one, but it’s time we recognised that there is a place for all leadership styles.
It’s no longer about ‘fake it till you make it’ but using your authentic leadership style effectively, whatever your approach is.
If you question your leadership abilities because you’re quiet and a deep thinker then let me share with you some strategies to feel confident in your own authentic style.
Are you frustrated that others get more recognition than you? That they are able to ‘talk a good game’ even if they’re not as competent as you?
It can feel really uncomfortable to start
selling yourself, promoting your achievements and
successes. When ALL you want to do is work
hard and deliver your job!
Do you worry that you’ll come across as
boastful or a bragger, because you’ve seen
colleagues behaving that way?
That can really trigger your self-doubts, so
you question your achievements.
Are they really that good? Would anyone else want
to hear about them? Did I really just get here
The problem is…If you aren’t visible and
you don’t self-promote, you’ll become resentful
at seeing others who are less competent get
the recognition or promotion you deserve.
I know how frustrating this can be,
because that happened to me many times.
I dismissed the need to be visible and sell my successes
as not important and too time-consuming. Instead,
I kept my focus and energy on delivering at a
high standard instead.
BUT, the harder I worked, the less visible I became.
I spent my time behind my desk and not on building
relationships or being ‘seen’.
I hid behind my desk and didn’t realise it was my
lack of confidence that was stopping me from
sharing my successes.
I worried that I would be judged as pushy or ‘full of myself’.
Or that I wasn’t good enough so I shouldn’t self-promote.
I could genuinely not understand why other people
got new opportunities when they were not up to it or
hadn’t delivered well in previous roles. I ended up feeling
resentful and negative about my career, blaming
others for colleague’s successes.
So I get it!
The reality is that in today’s workplace culture
doing a great job isn’t enough to get you the
recognition or career progression you want.
It’s not enough to deliver well and be liked or
to assume the important people know your work.
I talk to hundreds of women who don’t see
self-promotion as part of their job. But,
they are the ones who get stuck and feel like
their career is failing.
The Good News is…
There is a way to tell people about your
achievements that feel authentic and not braggy.
You can make it part of your day to day work, without
losing hours of precious time.
Then senior people and colleagues will recognise
your future potential and WANT to hear more about
what you are doing.
So, if you’re ready to be ‘seen’ for your abilities
and achievements. To share them in a genuine way.
Then I have 3 ways to help you:
1. Click the link below and book a call and
we can start to build a strategy to boost your visibility. www.speakwithjo.com
Today’s blog is all about how to work with colleagues who seem to be manipulative or obstructive but never actually confront you face to face.
This sort of behaviour is known as passive-aggressive. The person will appear to agree with you on the surface but you’ll pick up that they’re not happy. They may then cause you problems by undermining you with little comments or ignoring what you asked or side lining you.
If you have a colleague like that then you may be surprised at the best way to deal with them.
I once worked with a passive-aggressive colleague who never actually criticised or disagreed with me face to face. Instead she made life difficult and incredibly frustrating for me. She’d agree to actions in a meeting and not deliver on them. In front of senior managers she’d be very supportive, but away from them she’d not even give me a good morning.
What I found most annoying was the way she’d put in little digs at my ideas and achievements in front of others and never backed my suggestions.
I thought the best way to deal with it was to confront her, give examples and ask whether there was a problem. Instead of opening up a discussion she reacted by suggesting I was oversensitive and imagining it. That triggered my defensive anger and left me looking like the aggressive one, which isn’t a response I’d recommend!
People who behave in this way aren’t usually the toxic slackers we think they are. Usually their behaviour is coming from a fear of expressing their emotions and getting into conflict. There can also be an element of self-centredness, assuming others should know what they want. That their feelings are more important than yours.
How do I deal with this?
Rather than responding to a passive-aggressive person from the hurt and frustration you’re feeling. Think of them instead as someone who is suffering and unable to share their emotions constructively.
1. Listen to what they’re not saying rather than how they deliver it – what is their underlying opinion?
2. Do you have any role in the situation? Reflect on how your behaviour could be contributing, even if it’s just your emotions ‘leaking out’
3. Have a calm conversation with them, using your emotional intelligence and asking questions to uncover their concerns or issues. Ignore any toxic elements to their delivery and keep the focus on the content
4. Try to avoid having an emotional response to their comments, as not only is this not productive but it may feed their behaviours.
5. Join with them to find a solution or discuss a compromise. They may just want to be heard and be open to options
6. You don’t have the ability to change their behaviour that’s upto them, but if it becomes extreme then do ask for help
7. Maintaining good working relationships with you colleagues is very important to your happiness at work, but sometimes whatever you do, it’s not possible. In those situations make sure you protect yourself by getting support from other colleagues, recording any incidents and ensuring your work performance isn’t affected.
If you’d like to know how you can confidently deal with similar issues in your work then do book a free call with me at www.speakwithjo.com and I’ll share with you some successful strategies.
Achieving success in your career is a wonderful thing,
but not if you still continue to doubt yourself.
It’s the feeling that at any time you might be found out as
not being as good as they think you are.
Or being scared that you only achieved your
success out of luck or because you worked so hard.
Maybe someone else could do the job better?
Those feelings can make you anxious and stressed,
so, you spend time and energy on worrying
rather than being creative in your job.
Are you scared that others can see your self-doubt
and that they’re judging you?
What if they know that really you’re not that good, even if
they don’t say so?
The problem is…
No matter how much you achieve and how much
positive feedback or approval you get.
Unless you can quieten that Inner Critic behind your
Imposter Syndrome, you won’t feel good enough.
You’ll barely focus on your achievements and instead
overanalyse any negative feedback or criticism.
I know how anxious this can make you,
because I have felt like that.
Despite having a really successful corporate career
I would worry that the next piece of work I did wouldn’t
be good enough. That even though I had the job title and
the reward, I didn’t actually deserve it.
That drove me to work harder and to higher standards
BUT, the harder I worked, the less visible I became
and the more the self-doubts crept in.
I couldn’t understand how colleagues seemed so confident
and able to give opinions without knowing if they were right.
Or to challenge ideas without worrying that they’d got it wrong.
So I get it!
The reality is that in today’s workplace culture
doing a great job isn’t enough. You need to feel
confident and to demonstrate that confidence too.
While you’re in your head listening to your Imposter
Syndrome, that confidence is being knocked. Which
leads to anxiety and stress.
I talk to hundreds of incredible women who have enormous
potential. But, they are suffering with anxiety and stress or
holding themselves back in their career with self-doubt.
The Good News is…
You can shut up your inner critic and overcome your
feeling of being an imposter
You can build your self-belief and stop wasting time,
energy and emotion on battling yourself.
Then when senior people and colleagues recognise
your ability and potential you’ll agree and realise that
you are good enough.
So, if you’re ready to send your Imposter syndrome packing
and replace it with the freedom of self-belief.
Then click the link below to book a call with me and
we can create a plan to cure you of the imposter.
This week I’ve had the privilege of having meetings with 3 new clients, which I love doing. One of the common subjects that has come up is procrastination – the art of putting things off and wasting time on other less important tasks.
For some people it’s just a frustration that means they tend to leave everything to the last moment. For others though it has a serious affect on their productivity and ability to perform well at work.
Are there certain tasks that you always put off to the last minute?
Do you find yourself rushing to complete a job when you’d had lots of time initially and as a result it’s not your best work?
Does the battle to try and make yourself do the work cause you stress and anxiety?
There are a number of reasons that people procrastinate such as:
Lack of motivation
No tangible reward for completion
A non-specific or extended timescale
A fear of failure
Lacking confidence and self-esteem
The first step to overcoming procrastination is to identify what type of task it is that triggers it. It could be those jobs that are on a subject you’re not an expert in, or when you’re not clear what the expected output is.
Once you’ve identified the work you procrastinate on then you can work out the reason you are putting it off. Is it any of the suggestions above?
There are many strategies suggested to break the cycle of procrastination. One that I share with my clients is to set a timer for 15 minutes and give yourself permission to stop working on the task after that. If you want to continue afterwards that’s a bonus, if not repeat the 15 minutes at another time.
The great thing about this is it enables you to overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed or of no reward as you’re only doing 15 minutes.
Why not give it a go, who knows what you can achieve when you’re not procrastinating!
If you’d like to find out more strategies on how to overcome procrastination then book a call with me at www.speakwithjo.com and I’ll get you started.
In my experience of working with hundreds of clients the biggest fear many of them have is of being rejected or not fitting in.
It was a conversation I had with a new client this week that sparked the idea for a blog. She lacked confidence in meeting new people and doing small talk, which was affecting her ability to network and progress her career, as well as her social life.
Her fear was that she would have nothing to say, people wouldn’t find her interesting and would judge her as not being of value or ‘one of them’.
From the outside it’s easy to say that’s obviously not true. But when our thoughts are telling us this story of what will happen and the feeling that comes with them is so real, it’s very difficult to ignore what they say.
The fear then builds and you start avoiding situations where your worries could come true. Which is exactly what my new client is doing.
The starting point to develop the courage to overcome these fears is to recognise that they are almost certainly not true. Just because you’ve thought them, it doesn’t mean they’re coming from your inner guru and you must believe every word. They are a story your thoughts are telling you and you can ignore them.
As humans we are rubbish at accurately predicting how others will think and behave, so we create a scenario and that is often a negative one.
Another idea is to imagine that the worst has happened and you have been rejected/don’t fit in/judged as boring. What would you do then? Yes you could allow yourself to feel upset for a short time. Then you could start the process of growing and moving on. Imagine this happening now, how does it feel to carry on being you and not being pulled down by other peoples opinions.
When did you last have to start a difficult conversation with a peer, your boss or a client? Disagreeing with someone and potentially causing a conflict can be a scary and an anxiety provoking idea.
You know you ‘should’ have that conversation, but wouldn’t it be easier to avoid it or let it go? It wasn’t that important anyway (was it?)
You probably spend days or hours worrying about what to say, when to say it and what their reaction
might be. A great loss of time, energy and emotion.
I’m sure you’ve found many logical reasons (excuses) to not initiate the discussion. But that just leaves you
with a churning feeling of guilt and shame, because you know you lacked the courage to speak up.
You’ve not expressed to the other person your thoughts. So, they’ll either not realise that something was wrong or they’ll see you as easily walked over.
Even more importantly…
It sends a message to your self-esteem that your ideas, thoughts and needs aren’t important enough for you
to speak up for them.
And guess what…
That knocks your confidence even more and reinforces the habit of not being assertive.
In my research with successful career women about 70% say they weren’t naturally assertive
and they had to learn the skill. But 100% say assertiveness is essential to achieving career success.
Of my clients, over two-thirds are looking for support to develop voicing their thoughts and needs. To be able to disagree confidently with seniors and to have the strength to stick to their ideas.
No matter what behaviours you see around you it is possible to discuss difficult issues in a calm, rational and respectful way. You just need to learn how.
Here are some top tips to help you:
1. Check your mindset. Are you feeling angry, resentful, frustrated or hurt? If you go into a difficult conversation driven by your emotion it will cloud your thinking and the chances of conflict are a lot higher. Instead take the personal out of it and go into the conversation ready to listen and understand the other person.
2. Have a plan. If you have a loose idea on a structure for the interaction you’re more likely to cover your key points. If you worry you’ll get flustered or overwhelmed then write down those points too ensure you raise them.
3. Actively listen. As Stephen Covey (of The 7 Habits Of Successful People) says “seek first to understand before being understood”. This means actively listening and not just waiting for a gap to make your next point.
4. Slow down. Whether you’re giving or receiving bad news you both need time to reflect, ask questions and offer answers. Because these conversations are uncomfortable we tend to rush through them. By slowing down and respecting each others point of view it gives a chance for emotions to settle
5. Offer a solution, compromise or follow up. Wherever you can, offer a solution or a suggestion to support the other person or to help you change your performance. If you can’t agree on a compromise then book a follow up session after you’ve both had time to reflect.
So next time you get that feeling that you ‘should’ have a difficult conversation, you’re probably right, take action!
If you’d like to learn more about assertiveness and speaking up for yourself, book a call with me at www.speakwithjo.com
Are you too accommodating in your daily life—so much so that it’s actually a hindrance to your work?
Well, you might be a people pleaser. While it’s a great set of skills to be able to work with others being too much of a people pleaser actually sets you back. It diminishes your work, undermines your authority, and—eventually—it stunts your professional growth.
Here are 10 signs that you might be suffering from people-pleasing—and how to nip it in the bud.
1. YOU AGREE, EVEN WHEN YOU DISAGREE
This is a common trait of people pleasers. Whether it’s in a meeting, having a one-on-one conversation, or in the middle of a big negotiation, people pleasers tend to agree—even when they don’t. There are certainly circumstances where sharing your personal or political opinions is not necessary. However, people pleasers tend to agree even when they vehemently disagree.
If you find yourself being agreeable for the sake of being agreeable, ask yourself a few questions:
Does agreeing with this particular opinion/direction/move go against my personal values?
Is agreeing with this undermining the work and research I have already done up to this point?
Does agreeing to this do more harm or more good?
2. YOU APOLOGISE TOO MUCH
I talk about weak language at work—a lot. Why? Because we recognize it in ourselves too often.
Apologies are fine when you’re actually sorry—or when you have something legitimate to apologise for. But, again, ask yourself a question. Are you undermining yourself by constantly apologising? We tend to use apologies to smooth over awkward events and to make room for others to be comfortable.
Try to avoid saying the words I’m sorry for a week and see what happens.
3. YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE DOUBLE-CHECK YOUR WORK
This is something people pleasers do in order to get feedback and to make sure their work is up to snuff. Like a lot of “pleaser” behavior, this isn’t always a bad thing. Generally speaking, feedback is great and we should seek it out where we can.
However, constantly asking for feedback, approval, or credit can actually diminish the quality of your work—and it can diminish how others view you. Rather than constantly asking for feedback, find new confidence in your work. If you’re looking for a second pair of eyes for edits or mistakes, create a checklist of yourself. Run your own work quality checks through a battery of filters. Is everything spelled correctly? Are the dates all correct?
Asking for help is good. However, you also need to enlist the self-confidence in your own work rather than relying on approval from others at every turn.
4. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY BURDENED BY OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS
Do you find yourself constantly distracted by your boss’ moods? Do you feel personally attacked if your coworker wears her headphones for an entire day?
People pleasers commonly find themselves involved in other people’s feelings. Think of it as an empathy overload. Empathy is crucial in the workplace, but there is a line where empathy can actually manifest as nosiness in disguise. Recognise when those around you are in need of a soothing word or a walk around the block. However, also recognise that when people need a few minutes of solitude or when they are having a personally bad day, they might want to be left alone—and it has nothing to do with you.
Know when your attention to other people’s feelings is an intrusion on your work and your own well-being.
5. YOU RARELY ACCEPT CREDIT OR PRAISE
Raise your hand if you’ve ever shaken off praise by saying something like, “Well, the whole team helped, so…”
Accept your praise when it’s due, Take a bath in it. Treat yourself to a nice lunch. It’s that simple. Next time praise comes your way, recognise if you’re about to explain it away. Instead, try a simple thank you. Enjoy the victory—you’ve earned it.
6. YOU TAKE BLAME WHEN IT’S NOT YOURS
Does confrontation make you uneasy? Does dischord send your day into chaos? This behavior is a little extreme, but listen up. If you find yourself taking the blame for someone else’s mistake—maybe in the interest of settling a dispute or calming things down—you are probably a people pleaser.
if you’re not going to accept credit or praise for work well-done, then do not accept blame for missteps by others. While you feel like you are diffusing a situation in the moment, you are actually adding to long-term problems. When teams are unable to find the true root cause of a problem, it will likely reoccur and have bigger repercussions.
Next time there is unrest in a meeting or between members of your team, let the real problem come to light.
7. YOU ACT LIKE THE PERSON AROUND YOU
Everyone has a little bit of a different personality for different environments. For example, when you’re out for dinner on a Saturday night with your three closest girlfriends, your demeanor is going to be slightly different from your Monday morning vibes.
The language you use with your partner or your mom will be different than the language you use with your manager or a client. Everybody wears different hats throughout their entire lives. However, if you find yourself constantly shapeshifting at work, you might be a people pleaser.
This is not a matter of using professional language with one person and more casual parlance with another. This is when you find your views and outlooks changing when speaking to one person or another. This type of behavior can have especially damaging consequences when you ally yourself with someone who is unhappy or negative in the workplace. If you recognize this type of behavior in yourself, conduct an honest check-in. Are you doing and saying the things you really believe? Is this relationship capable of hurting your career in the long-run?
8. YOU ALWAYS SAY YES
You might be a chronic people-pleaser if you often find yourself in the office, after hours, doing work that isn’t technically yours. Once you become known as the office people pleaser, you will become a sitting duck—an easy target.
If you work with people—especially someone who is slightly senior to you—you might find work being passed on to you. Do certain colleagues seek you out and overload you with work? Since you don’t want to say no, you do it, again and again. Thus begins a vicious cycle.
Help out when you’re needed. All hands on deck are necessary in any work environment at any given moment. However, if you start to notice that another coworker is constantly pushing work onto you and leaving the office early, you need to put your foot down with a firm NO.
9. YOU NEED EVERYONE TO LIKE YOU (EVEN THE PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE)
When you walk into the office, do you say hello to everyone? Do you notice that Karen from accounting never responds in kind? She never even sends a smile your way—and this drives you up the wall. Why doesn’t she like me?
But, wait a second, you don’t even really work with Karen in accounting. In fact, whenever you have accounting needs, you work with Sheila. In fact, you don’t even really like Karen to begin with!
Here’s the thing. it’s great to get along with everyone in the workplace, but maybe you aren’t Karen’s cup of tea—and vice-versa. As long as it doesn’t affect the quality of your work—or Karen’s work—who cares? Don’t get caught up in who may or may not like you. More often than not, our coworker has no strong feelings about you, to begin with. Focus on your work and the harmony of your direct team. Don’t get caught up in other noise.
10. YOU AVOID ANY AND ALL CONFLICT
Are people raising their voices in the conference room? Is your coworker getting blamed for something you know is not her fault? What do you do?
People pleasers tend to avoid any and all conflict. Nobody really loves conflict, but when you’re actively avoiding conflict, it can do more harm than good. The next time there is conflict, instead of sticking to the sidelines, consider whether or not you have information or a point of view that could lead to a resolution.
In short, avoiding conflict is not always a good thing—especially when you might hold the very key to a solution.
If you struggle with a ton of people-pleasing behavior, it will help to work on building mental strength to let go of it. Remember that people-pleasing behavior comes from an intrinsically good place. However, over time, it can damage your professional and personal relationships.
If you’d like to discuss how you can change your people pleaser mindset then book a call with me at www.speakwithjo.com and I’ll share a plan of how you can start to overcome it.
P.S. If you still haven’t watched my webinar ‘The 4 Steps To Get More Impact and Recognition At Work – Without Being Bossy Or Pushy’ then don’t miss out just click here