Admitting to being jealous or envious of a friend or acquaintance can feel very shameful.
As someone who recognises these feelings I can understand how uncomfortable it feels when a colleague gets the praise for work you feel you did, or friends talk about the great time they had at a party you didn’t attend. The polite and ‘nice’ response is of course to be pleased for them but what if you also feel a wave of jealousy or envy?
These are natural emotions and are a sign of your vulnerability which we all have, but tend to keep hidden. They only become problematic when you allow all areas of your life to be affected and your thoughts are focused on what you have or haven’t got.
Jealousy is understandable when you fear that something which is important to you, such as a friend or partner, could be taken way. Envy might also be expected if someone has something you had your heart set on. The important thing is how you deal with these feelings.
To get a healthier perspective on your feelings try these tips:
- Develop awareness of your feelings and thoughts. Jealousy is often an impulsive response to a situation and if you can recognise when it happens and challenge it logically, the feeling will fade
- Competition can be healthy but comparisons are not. Competition can drive you on to achieve more, however comparisons are just about scoring yourself relative to others and aren’t fair, honest or helpful
- Believe in abundance not scarcity. The belief that there is a limited amount of luck, good fortune or love is very restrictive and by understanding that there is an infinite resource available to you, could change your perspective
- Practice mindfulness. Keep your focus on the present moment rather than regretting the past or worrying about the future, then you will develop the ability to pull your thoughts away from negative emotions such as jealousy and envy
At a time when social media means we see the window dressing of most peoples lives and not the reality, there are an even greater number of triggers for jealousy and envy. You don’t need to be ashamed of these emotions, instead use them to inform yourself about what you have that’s important and the things you would like to strive for.
I’m just off now in my private plane for a romantic weekend eating, drinking and shopping in Paris. (I wish!)
If you struggle with any of these negative emotions and are looking to move beyond them, then contact me for a FREE ‘Boost Your Confidence” session.
Jealousy and Envy, Why Are We So Ashamed Of Them?