My husband and I are quite different in our values and approach to life, that leads to some interesting discussions, the opportunity to learn from another perspective and not surprisingly quite a few fights. Over the years we’ve been together we’ve learnt some important boundaries we need to keep in place to ensure we fight fair.
Her are 5 of our tips that you might like to try:
1. Avoid blame. Blaming each other for causing the fight is not helpful, instead talk about the facts of the situation and how you felt, rather than “you always..” or “you never…”
2. Avoid criticism or name calling. Anger can cause us to lash out with names and words that we wouldn’t normally use. However using them may cause long term damage to your relationship, so try to remain respectful and honest
3. Do you want to be right or do you want to win? In the heat of the moment it can be difficult to focus on a resolution rather than winning but being the victor is a short term gain
4. Listen to the other person. In a fight you can get so focused on your own righteousness that you don’t hear the others point of view. Rather than defending yourself or misinterpreting the others point, try truly listening
5. Say what you want. Instead of complaining about what your other half isn’t doing try making a constructive comment and asking for what you do want. For example; you may complain “I hate it when your late home and I don’t know where you are” however it would be more constructive to say “I would really like you to let me know if you’re going to be late and about what time you’ll be home”
I hope you find these tips helpful and good luck in fighting fair!